Bring Back the Magic of your First Date into your Relationship
Do you remember your first date? How magical was it? Is the magic from your most memorable date still there in your relationship?
This week lets discuss our favorite dating experiences following The Lover's Journal Week 7 prompts:
1. What is your favorite date that you have ever been to with your partner?
2. What made it so?
3. What 1 thing can you do to bring some of that magic into this week?
How Easily Did the Daily Kiss Challenge Go?
Cera: Happy birthday Matthew.
Matthew Temple: Yes it’s my birthday. Thanks. So this morning, we got up and took a beautiful walk at the beach. And then came home and ate a delicious breakfast that you made for me, which was wonderful. And, and then we did some journaling. So here we are, ready to dive in.
For those of us who haven't been joining us all the way through our second season of the podcast, we have been letting The Lover’s Journal be a guide for our conversations, because each week of the journal inspires specific or general conversation, ideas, thoughts, and we've been allowing that to guide us. And it's been really a lot of fun.
I'll say before we get into this week's, that each month there is a monthly challenge. And that was born out of something that Cera loves to do. We've talked about this in the past actually. That became something that we've often done. So we brought it into The Lover’s Journal.
Currently we’re coming to the end of the monthly challenge that was a morning kiss as the first thing every morning -no matter what (if you're together). As some people don't live together, they have to modify those a little bit. If you're in a long distance relationship, you can send a morning kiss video, a morning kiss, audio message, a little text in the morning: something that's just this little thing every morning.
So Cera, as we are getting to the end of the month, how has it been for you?
Cera: For me, it's been really great, because usually what happens is that you wake up before me. Right before I wake up, you come and you give me a morning kiss. Sometimes I'm just lying there and I'm being lazy, procrastinating and I'm like, "Matthew, Come kiss me!" Because I can’t leave the bed before I get a kiss from you.
But there have been a few mornings where I have woken up before you and given your the morning kiss. Like this morning, I was up before you and I was very excited. Kissed you happy birthday. Then we went to the beach. But later on I was like, "Oh, did we kiss this morning?"
Matthew Temple: And I was like, "Yeah, we did."
And it's been really something that I love because on a good morning. It's great. It just kind of sets off the day on the right foot.
I think the challenge made those two or three days better. It was also kind of part of a healing process. Because even small things need healing, and I really loved doing it.
Cera: I agree.
Matthew Temple: So who knows, we might even continue. But next week, we'll talk about Month 2’s challenge.
Cera: Oh, there's one last thing that I have to say, actually. This morning kiss thing didn't come as easy as I thought it would come. Sometimes I feel like you roll out of bed and when I have to start my day, I just get off bed and start to do my own thing. So if I wasn't paying a lot of attention, it doesn't usually happen. So if you had asked me before this challenge, if I do kiss you every morning, I would have said yes, a lot of mornings. But it's not the case in reality.
Matthew Temple: It's really nice to have that initial connection at the beginning of the day. It just sets the relationship part of the day off on the right foot. And I think as we all know, the relationship can also be the place that catches some of your crummy moods with other things.
It can be a place where our own personal patterns get triggered by the other person even when it has nothing to do with the other.
So, I think that saying, 'You know what, we are a team, we're connected. We have this love. That this is the basis of our day.' And so the day can throw its curveballs and we’ll still be okay because of this foundational moment -that’s something I really love.
What’s Our Most Favorite Date?
Cera: Yeah. So should we jump into this week’s prompts?
Matthew Temple: Yeah, we’re gonna jump into Week 8. So the first prompt for this week is:
What is your favorite date you've ever had with your significant other?
Mine was when you took me out to eat at the Inn of the Seventh Ray, Topanga.
Cera: Oh my god, that was one of mine too.
Matthew Temple: What was your other one?
Cera: The other one was like when we went to Zurich on that night.
Matthew Temple: That was almost my favourite too. I was like, I couldn't decide between those two. That's very cute.
Cera: It was in the beginning of our dating, I think the first few months and I was waiting for you to take me out on a date.
So I called a friend and complained about it that weekend, ‘Oh Matthew just wants to stay home’. And my friend was like, ‘You know, you could take him out.’
Matthew Temple: I didn't know this part anyways, keep going, I'm glad to know this, because whoever that is, I'm getting their number. I'm calling to say thanks.
Cera: And then I was like, wait, actually, I don't have to wait for you to take me out on a date, I could organize the date.
Matthew Temple: So you took agency in the relationship to get what you want?
Cera: Correct. I was like, 'If I want to go out, I am 100% responsible for planning to go out and making plans to go out. I am a responsible human being. And I am planning this date.'
And so I went on Google looking for restaurants around LA and surrounding areas. And I saw the Inn the Seventh Ray. And I was like, Oh, it looked magical. And I was like, this is where we're going. And so it didn't disappoint.
I think the best part that made it so magical was that I took responsibility for taking you out on that date. I don't remember if the food was any good.
Matthew Temple: Was it the best meal I've ever had? No. But was it one of those magical meals that I've ever had?
Cera: Yeah. And then we just sat there. We had some wine. We talked about all the future possibilities. It was just a really, really special night.
The Magic of Taking Responsibility for your Happiness
Matthew Temple: Yeah. It's so fascinating. Funny I didn't know that part of the story. And for me, I definitely have a sense to know that if I want something good in my life, it's up to me to make it happen. But it's also really good to know that there's somebody else who cares that much to do something really special.
So the fact that you planned it was actually also one of the things that made it so special. Add to that you just did it and it wasn't for an event. It wasn't a birthday or anniversary. It was special simply because it happened. It wasn't put on a pedestal that had to be framed beforehand.
And so that was one of these pieces about the date that meant so much to me. You know, to just be taken out to a really fantastic place on a really fantastic date.
And even just to put a spotlight on it, there's that feeling as a man in the dating world, that it's my job to do something really special for you - to take you out. And that feels really good. It feels really good to do something for someone else in that way. But it also feels good to have it done to you.
Cera: I don't even know if I have anything to add.
Matthew Temple: Ladies, take your man out. Sometimes it feels so good. I couldn't believe it.
You know, for my 40th birthday, we had just started dating. You're fairly new and you didn't get me a gift, which was kind of fine. It was totally fine. Because I'm never expecting gifts. It's not a favorite thing of mine. So I thought about it like, ‘Oh, she didn't get me anything for my 40th?’ And I might have been moderately disappointed for like five seconds. And then it went away.
But then a year later, you're like, ‘I didn't get your 40th birthday. So I got you an Apple Watch for your 41st.’ And I was like, ‘I didn't want it.’ Because it felt too big. You were at the time just a student. I didn’t feel comfortable with it.
But you said, 'Well, you're gonna have to get used to it. Because if you're going to be the man in my life, I'm gonna do special things for you.'
Cera: So I can be profound?
Matthew Temple: You can be. You can make a man feel pretty dang good.
Cera: I don't remember this. But I don't even actually remember not giving you a gift. I don't know, I grew up in Kenya, we didn't do a lot of gifting.
Matthew Temple: Yeah. So there you go.
Cera: Okay, what's the third prompt?
Matthew Temple: Okay:
What one thing can you do to bring some of that magic into this week?
I'm excited to hear your answer. Because I want to know how it's going to be a magical week for me.
Cera: I actually think that I already started to do that this week. I feel like I've been waiting for covid to end for me to live my life. I feel like I stopped taking full responsibility for my life. There's a lot to do but I'm just making excuses.
I miss the days I'd wake up in the morning and go to coffee shops and sit there and just journal. I've been saying that for almost like eight months. But yesterday I just was like, I'm gonna take responsibility for my life and the way that I'm living my life. I may not be able to go to a coffee shop. But I've been so blessed this year, I live 20 minutes away from the beach.
There's literally no reason why I should not wake up in the morning and go to the beach or go on a run at the park.
And so I was like, 'Today marks the beginning of where I actually start to take responsibility for the way that I want to live my life.'
Matthew Temple: Yeah. And there's something to what you were saying when we're talking about what made the date magical and about bringing magic back into a relationship? I feel that because life has so much routine there can be a sense of it being impossible for the everyday to have magic. Yet there's really no reason why that same magic that comes in the weekend can’t come into the everyday.
What to Do When Life Loses Its Magic
It can just be by taking a different way home that takes five minutes longer maybe. But then you end up noticing a beautiful drive or something else new. There’s magic in that.
And so I love that you're bringing this up and I also love that this is coming into the conversation today: How do you bring that magic into this week? Sure it's between us because this is our Lovers’ Journal. But you know, I need magic in my life. So that I have that magic in me. So that I'm a better partner for you. So I'm a better self for me. So that I show up more presently with others.
If I feel every day that I have magic in my life, that's going to have an impact on you, no matter what. It's going to make me more understanding when you're having a meltdown. It's going to make me more easy going when we're having a challenge, or whatever those things are.
And so there's no reason why I don't take those memories of that magic and be like, "You know what? I can feel that today. And I can feel that tomorrow. And I can feel that the next day. And I can choose that daily or weekly if I need to."
There are definitely times that we go through stuff. Where there's just no magic in life right now. And if I could, I would pull a blanket over my head until all the oxygen was gone. And I would never get up again.
Cera: Oh, my God.
Matthew Temple: Everybody has those moments. And that's okay. And the magic may not come into that day. Even this morning, we had this issue that kind of reared its head just a little bit. And because it was my birthday, I could have made it mean something more than it is. But, I realized I could very more easily take this negatively and go down that road. So it took a little extra effort to be like, 'You know what, I'm not going that way with it. I'm gonna go with the magic and not with the challenge.'
So that was my choice in that initial hurdle.
Sometimes it's almost like, have you ever been in a car, and you are starting, but there's like a big bump right in front of you? That first thing in your mind is, 'Oh, why can't I go?'
It then takes a little extra effort. But once you start going, you're fine. And so I think that's the case with this magic thing.
Cera: I too think that magic is something that you choose every day. In some days though, your choice is accepting that there is not going to be magic. It's just gonna be what it is. I think that's what I'm learning to do. When I'm sad, just to be sad. Like, I don't have to have the magic all the time. But to also know that the magic is there, when I'm ready to choose it.
Matthew Temple: Yeah, right. That reminds me of something my dad told me. I remember, there's a family friend of ours who was really struggling for a long time. And since she also worked at the school my dad taught, I could just see it. She just seemed so heavy and so sad. And I was like, What do we do? You know, like, she was just so sad, clearly.
And my dad said, You know, sometimes it's just okay to be sad. And it's okay for our friends to be sad. And it's okay, just to hold the space for them to be sad. That's part of life.
And I think that's a really important thing. And it begins to actually make the sadness a little less sad when you're actually okay with it. It doesn't need to be different than it is at this moment.
“Love is not an emotion. It is your very existence.” Said Rumi.
I think there's a lot to that quote, actually. That love is right. It's what brought us here. It's what made sure we were fed. It's a pretty special thing.
So as we are heading into this week. I think it's a good challenge for us all to bring ourselves back to a moment where we had magic. We can each consider that, and bring some of it into this week and into our lives moving forward.